It is possible to have a healthy divorce and come out the other end feeling lighter and better able to heal and grow as an individual. But, no matter what happens, divorce is a painful process. Perhaps your spouse does not want to divorce, and they drag out the process. You must seek counseling and bear with it to see it through to the end. Maybe your children are too little to understand the situation. They also need counseling, and you must commit to developing a cordial relationship with the person you are divorcing because is it best for the kids.
Sometimes, you want a divorce because your spouse has abandoned you. It may be painful, but you must give any and all information that the experienced process servers ask so that they can show the judge that you did all due diligence.
At the end of the day, because it is such an emotionally fraught event, you may not be in full control of your feelings and reactions at all times. This is why you must be sure that it is what you truly want. Divorce is painful and expensive and should not be undertaken unless you are sure it is the right step for your mental and physical well-being in the future.
Divorce Can Be Good for Kids
Many people stay in unhappy marriages because they are afraid that a divorce will be traumatic for their children. But children see and hear a lot more than adults give them credit. Research has also shown that seeing their parents in a bad marriage is worse for their mental well-being and future choices than a healthy divorce.
Your children will make choices in their future relationships based on what they observe of your marriage. If you are being belittled or the two of you are dismissive and uninterested in each other’s lives, your children will absorb that. They may be drawn to partners who treat them dismissively and think that having to work hard to earn love is normal. A mutually respectful divorce will teach them that two people can be respectful and separate in a loving way. They will learn self-respect, autonomy, and that it is better to be happy alone than unhappy together.
Be a Unit
Your divorce is for both your benefits. This means that the two of you need to work together to keep it healthy and effective for both of you. As long as you two can get along, mediation may be a better resource for divorce than going to court. This will allow the process to happen sooner and leave you two free to grow as individuals without having to worry too much about resources and assets and liabilities.
Hire a Lawyer
You need a lawyer if there is any contention in your divorce. Whether it is about child care, custody, pets, shared assets, or anything that is causing too much tension and ill will between you and your spouse, you need a lawyer. This is the person with the knowledge and the ability to step in and speak on your behalf to ensure that you get a fair deal.
Prioritize
If you two are child-free, then prioritize your mental well-being. Let go of as much as you can so that the divorce can happen quickly and leave you free to pursue your own life. There may be emotional attachments to items or the marital home, but you must ask yourself what you really need. If a division of the sale of the marital home can help you to move away for a fresh start, then that may be better for you than keeping the house.
If you two have children, then make the choices that prioritize their well-being. Ensure that your spouse plays an equal role in ensuring that the children receive counseling and therapy. This is best pursued if they have never been abusive or harmful to the children. If they are an unsafe person to be around, then you need to work on limiting contact and ensuring supervised visits where the court insists on maintaining a relationship.
Even if your spouse has hurt you, and you feel a strong urge to get them back using the divorce, the only person you will end up hurting most is yourself. Work with your counselor to avoid seeing the divorce as a competition. Look at it as an opportunity to start living life on your own terms. Continue seeking counseling after the divorce is finalized as well. Combined with a good support system, this is what will ensure that you recover well and begin enjoying life once again. You deserve a happy life, and you should do everything you can to live that life on your own terms.
